Ninja Cheerleaders
For those of us who don’t delight in awful films, probably half a star should be deducted; because this film is terrible. I’m going to start by giving a straight-faced plot summary. Courtney, April, and Monica are community college students attempting to earn the $250k required for their Ivy League education. They make this money by go-go dancing at a strip club, However, their plan gets derailed when the mob kidnaps (Takei), who happens to be the club owner looking after their savings. Conveniently he’s also their martial arts sensei and they just became ninja. Can they rescue him, get their money back and make it to the All-City Strip-Off?
Yes it’s that ridiculous, no it’s not that funny. Nor even as filled with flesh as it could have been considering they’re go-go dancers not strippers so they keep their clothes on which is odd since its not like Cannatella is exactly shy. [Link NFSW if you hadn’t guessed] How exactly they’re supposed to have raised 250 grand in six months doing that is never made clear. In a feeble attempt to make up for it Presley occasionally splices in some shots of nekkid boobies, I assume so it can avoid a PG-rating.
There definitely is some humor potential in the silly concept students by day ninjas by night or something along those lines. But most of the time the movie fails to capitalize on any of them. Once or twice Takei seems self-aware enough about how ridiculous all this is getting and I laughed at one scene where the girls are being questioned by a cop and fake innocence with the kind of stupidity only familiar to anyone who has ever dealt with teenagers but other than that its mostly either too try-hardy or not try-hardy enough.
Natasha Chang playing evil henchwoman Kinji is probably the most memorable character, with the odd quirk of referring to herself in the third person. This alone probably gives her about as much personality as the heroic trio who’s just otherwise not very interesting, despite McConnell looking like Hilary Swank.
The action isn’t exactly great either, with ninja costumes being used to hide body-doubling [save in Takei’s case where it’s pretty damn obvious]. So it’s never that convincing; there are a couple fights where the girls have to take on various low-level Mafia people but its only at the end when they’re fighting Kinji that things get interesting. And it’s kinda weird to have the bad girl be outnumbered three to one by the heroines, which doesn’t seem fair. All in all it’s barely worth watching if you catch it for free on cable. Spending more than ninety minutes of your life on this is not advised.
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